Let’s start by recognising that most people we work with are great and that only a small percentage are not.
I know this from having worked for quite some time now in a career in which I have been a senior line manager, a corporate HR specialist as well as having built two successful consulting businesses. Tulsi van de Graaff and I run Brave People Solutions and our purpose is to create excellent work environments with strong leaders, healthy teams and to support people be their best at work, enjoy what they do and develop the capacity to work well with everyone they encounter.
Our focus is to make workplaces the best they can be and yet we find that one of the most significant challenges is when there are people (either the manager or some-one in the team) who are not good to work with and who make others miserable. We call these the difficult, damaging or dangerous people and working with one seems to be inevitable at some point in your life. If you haven’t had this experience, most likely someone close to you has.
Difficult, damaging or dangerous behaviour can range from a one-off situation, for example an angry outburst if under pressure, through to the person who engages in a series of destructive behaviours against one or more colleagues.
A small sample of these destructive behaviours includes:
- putting their energy into ‘monitoring’ other team members and complaining about them,
- creating cliques/in-groups and excluding others (who are in the out-group),
- using complaints processes unreasonably to make large numbers of complaints (informally and through formal processes) about a range of issues,
- not doing work they are specifically asked to do,
- passive-aggressive or undermining comments and behaviours
- challenging the work requests made of them and appearing to see these specific and reasonable requests to do work as unreasonable or at its worst, victimisation.
And we know that there are many more examples of these types of behaviours.
It can have such a devastating impact if you these difficult, damaging or dangerous behaviours. In a survey we conducted, we asked people about their experiences and heard some sad and even heartbreaking responses to the question on the impact of working with a difficult person. Here are some of them:
- I felt like I withdrew into a corner and tried to become invisible
- Made me cry, nervous, anxious, doubt myself, make errors as [they were] standing over me on a deadline
- Impacted my mental health, undermined my professional position, consumed too much of my work time dealing with them
- I felt insecure, isolated, unintelligent, defensive and unsure
- Time consuming to manage and takes up a lot of head space, don’t get the results required, draining
- I went out of my way to avoid them at all costs because the experience of dealing with them was so negative
- Made work frustrating to be at.
Here are some difficult behaviours that survey respondents described:
- Narcissistic, not transparent, ego driven, alienating, builds silos
- Disengaged, difficult to communicate with, kept to themselves, not on the same page as the rest of the team, put self first
- Cranky, aggressive, not accepting change, gossiping, undermining of my position, not willing to accept help, complaining
- Egotistical and no sense of win/win. Self-promoter and constantly tried to limit others access to information
- They only look after their own interest.
I am currently working to complete the Handbook for Dealing with Difficult, Damaging or Dangerous People at Work. This is an important project, as we have seen that too often organisations, managers and colleagues do not or don’t know how to provide the support that is needed in these tough situations.
As part of the Handbook, I have included a range of case studies from my experience as a team member, manager, consultant or coach. The case studies set out the situation and what happened. I then add a section on what should have happened to either avoid, best manage or to survive the situation.
To ensure that I describe as many challenging situations, examples and stories as possible and can offer practical ways to help people who face these tough situations, I’d like to collect more accounts. This means covering these aspects:
- What happened to you?
- Who was involved?
- What impact did it have?
- Did you feel supported?
- How was the situation resolved?
All the case studies, examples and situations in the Handbook are described in ways that ensure that people and organisations are kept anonymous, and I will keep your specific circumstances confidential.
If you are willing to tell me your story, please email me. If convenient for you, we can make time to talk. I will treat your story with care and respect and the intent is to use these situations to help and support others. Thank you, Robyn