In 2000, I was with my parents in the seaside village of Kovalam, in Kerala, India. We had found a restaurant we particularly liked and each time I chose the same meal. On our fifth visit, as I ordered the same meal again, I said to the waiter, ‘I’m sorry, I know I’m boring’. He […]
Author: Tulsi van de Graaff
The importance of safety in relationships
How safe and connected do you feel to those close to you? Do you feel insecure and threatened or supported and cared for in your relationship with your partner, your loved ones or your work mates? If something is amiss, it might go deeper than you’ve realised. I’m a relationship counsellor (amongst other roles) and […]
It all starts with ‘AND’: a simple way to reduce conflict and increase connection
Take 1 Someone starts talking. You can already tell you are not going to agree with what they’re saying. You might notice that you already start shutting down. You start feeling irritated. You decide to say nothing. Or you’re kind of listening but only so you can respond. Or you’re already interrupting them to give […]
The power of the ‘check in’
Have you checked in with those around you? As a leader or a business owner, the ‘check in’ could be a missing link in your workplace. In our recent coaching programs, we saw again and again that people felt hurt and unimportant because their boss/leader had not checked in with them. This included people in […]
Tough emotional times and ten steps that helped me
In our work we strive to find ways to help our clients develop their skills including in relation to communication, conflict and managing their own challenging emotions, so they can do better in their work, life and relationships. Part of this also involves us using our own life experiences and challenges to reflect on how […]
What every supportive manager needs to know but doesn’t want to hear
Do you recognise any part of this scenario? A team member is dismissive and rude about his manager’s ability. He tells the team that he could do better than the boss and intimidates the boss and the team including by speaking over others in meetings. He is rude and reactive to customers and there have […]
How your organisation could be creating mental health issues one conversation at a time
Is your organisation creating mental health issues one conversation at time? Part 1. The good news It was recently mental health month and R U OK? day. It is heartening to see an important and increasing focus on mental health and encouraging others to check in, reach out or openly share when they’re not feeling […]
The 8 strategies that will create true resilience for you and your staff
By Tulsi van de Graaff You are very stressed at work with too many deadlines. An employee in your business has just lost a parent. Two colleagues have noticeable tension and conflict. You have been feeling tired and unwell. You feel let down by a family member. You wonder what’s wrong with you because you […]
How your workplace culture is being destroyed one conversation at a time
By Tulsi van de Graaff It’s the team leader yelling ‘are you an idiot?’ It’s the manager, who doesn’t check in with staff about how they’re doing and doesn’t seem interested. It’s the partner in the firm not introducing the new lawyer to the team. It’s the manager shouting across the partition for an answer […]
I’m sick of burnt toast
by Tulsi van de Graaff I buy really nice bread. And I love my toast. I even have a lovely turquoise 4 slice toaster. But I have this thing that happens to me. A lot of times (even most times) I burn my toast. Now my bread cutting skills aren’t that great. So the various […]
How to have a B.R.A.V.E conversation
By Tulsi van de Graaff, Partner, Brave People Solutions BRAVE stands for: Be ready Raise the issue Assertively communicate Validate Empathise Too many times conflicts escalate, misunderstandings spiral out of control and relationships deteriorate because of a failure to have a BRAVE conversation. As human beings, each with our own distinct values, needs, history and […]
6 Challenging Workplace Behaviours and How to Handle Them
By Tulsi van de Graaff, Partner Brave People Solutions Work life can be wonderful, and it can be really challenging. It’s often the people you work with who are the make or break. Sometimes you can feel like you’re going crazy having to deal with so many challenging behaviours. It’s the unspoken resentment, the anger and frustration, people avoiding each […]